Welcome to the eighth edition of The Detour.
Every Sunday, you’ll receive mind musings from me, Olivia. I’m not entirely sure where we’re going or where we’ll end up. But I’m glad you’re here, and hopeful this little experiment will spark new ideas and make us question what’s next.
Musings (aka the tunes & text making me think)
Here are a few songs I think you’ll enjoy:
To start your summer with some pop:
To accompany you on your Sunday stroll (to coffee, a bookstore, etc..):
To play on repeat all week:
Plus something(s) to make you think:
This Shane Parish blog on thinking. The TLDR: Humans can’t multi-task. In fact, multi-tasking makes us worse decision makers, because it undermines our ability to categorize information…leading to an unorganized mind.
It’s like those nights where you’re half working/sending emails and half trying to be present with someone in a conversation and you end up doing both poorly.
Thinking, and our ability to problem solve, are invaluable skills. Skills that we’re never really taught, so it’s up to us to create the conditions for concentration and chewing on ideas.
“Thinking means concentrating on one thing long enough to develop an idea about it. Not learning other people’s ideas, or memorizing a body of information, however much those may sometimes be useful.
Developing your own ideas.
In short, thinking for yourself. My first thought is always someone else’s; it’s always what I’ve already heard about the subject, always the conventional wisdom. It’s only by concentrating, sticking to the question, being patient, letting all the parts of my mind come into play, that I arrive at an original idea.”
Also this IG post and the accompanying caption really hit me in the feels. It reminded me to be kind to myself as I continue to grow up alongside the people in my life. So here’s your reminder, you’re doing the best you can with what you have. Keep going.
“Perfectionism is a dangerous path that requires us to be in constant criticism of the self…Self improvement on the other hand is motivated by a sense of love and respect for the self. ‘I want to look at myself and my parts and continue to grow, expand and heal.’ Where as the commitment to perfectionism is a commitment to invulnerability.”
Now for this week’s Detour…
Take a moment and imagine you’re at a party.
The kind of amazing get-together that stretches an apartment at the seams. The living room overflowing into the kitchen with all of your favorite people.
It’s hard to hear any one thing. There’s a new Anderson .Paak song playing and everywhere you turn, you’re met by a whirlwind of conversation, toothy grins and big belly laughs. You feel so full, because these are your people. You feel the connection in your bones.
It all feels so good, when suddenly, the rug gets pulled out. The coffee table topples over, the drinks spill and everyone disappears. The party feels like a distant memory and you’re left with yourself and 600 square feet. Groundless.
This week, that feeling swallowed me.
The last 2 weeks, I’ve been staying with 3 gems in Venice, CA: Brett, Gordon and Cory. I couldn’t ask for better humans. Life chats, morning coffee, cooking dinner and everything in between. So when Brett and I sat down for lunch on Wednesday and he asked how I was doing, my answer surprised me.
I guess I’m kind of sad.
Or maybe not sad - but just unsettled. And I don’t know why.
Brett is great for perspective setting. Since February of last year, my life (like many others) has been almost entirely unsettled.
Buenos Aires, Patagonia, back to Buenos Aires, New York, Chicago, Colorado, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, back to Colorado, Chicago, New York, Chicago, Los Angeles.
For a long time, this feeling felt incredible. Exhilarating. I tapped into a part of myself that I’d never let myself experience before. The easy going, Olivia. The spontaneous, Olivia with no agenda or plans. This part of me is just as real and true as the type-A side. The driven, detail oriented, structured part.
I’m living this weird in-between right now, not committing to anything. My reckoning this week? This in-between is where anxiety lives. Uncertainty. Groundlessness. The good news? I just have to commit to something. Nothing is permanent. No decision is forever. We can change our minds whenever we want and our lives will recalibrate accordingly.
So next time you’re feeling groundless, grab a friend or your therapist and talk it out. Decisions only feel scary when will let them bear more weight than they deserve. When we fall into the trap of permanence. As Brett, and Equinox’s 2017 marketing, so eloquently said: commit to something. Anything. And as long as it feels good, keep doing it. When it doesn’t, then it’s time to re-evaluate.
And with that, it’s time to buckle up & hit the road.
-OO